The winds of change

How can one day be both good and bad? Seems strange… I find myself having many mood swings these days. I think this is the part that I have heard about when people get tired. I was told in the beginning it would happen. My oncologists said to stay active, recognize what is going on, and make sure I have people to talk to.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself. There are people who I know personally that are in situations much worse that mine. I am just finding that this funk is hard to get out of. I’m doing everything that I am supposed to. It is just a weird place to be in… It’s like constantly paddling while staying still.

Today I had my routine appointment with my oncologist. He told me that I’m doing better than most of his patients that are on the same drug protocol. I’ll gladly take that, seeing that there is only a 13% completion rate for my treatment. Many get tired and frustrated with it all ( I can totally relate), some are taken off the drug because it is too hard on their bodies, and some don’t survive. Depressing number…I was determined to not let that bother me. I mean, I’m not even at the halfway point yet. That thought can be rather daunting at times.

I have had so much support from my family, church, and friends. I am so very thankful! It does help. I just am to that point where the rubber meets the road. I don’t know which days of the week I dislike more. Chemo days, I have come to hate needles. I have to gear up every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday just to give myself a stupid (yet necessary) shot. Then there are Tuesdays and Thursdays, reaction days from said chemo. It sure does sound like I and whining. I think it is just more venting than anything else.

I get out and do things. I have fun with friends. I’m attempting to get back to work. These things just take more energy physically and mentally… I guess this is also where I need to do what my big fat mouth tells other people to do. I’m great at giving advice, it’s the taking it part that I’m not so great at. My girls keeping reminding me that I need to put my money where my mouth is, and we all know how much I like to talk… Well, it’s time for me to shuffle off and find some trouble to get into. Thanks for taking the time to read!

‘Til next time,

Jody

“Sometimes, carrying on, just carrying on, is the superhuman achievement.” – Albert Camus