The Waiting Game

These past few days, thoughts of my test days keep rolling around in my head on the same loop. Not sure why, maybe just reflecting on where I am at from where I started and how far I still have to go. Some days I wonder how much to share, the whole shebang or the nice polite version. If you know me, you will usually know which way I go with…

The whole shebang it is. I keep thinking about my traveling buddy and my rock, my dad. We have been through so much in this process, and have spent a ton of time together. I have lost count of how many trips we have made to U of M. There were Dr. visits, test days, surgery, and follow ups, etc.

Test days were (still are) a series of waiting games. Get up at 5:00 or 6:00 to start the day’s events. I would make sure that I had all that I needed. It gave me a sense that I had some sort of control of what was happening. My bag had my journal, blanket, iPad, phone and ear buds, laptop, snacks and water. It might be CT day, MRI day, or blood work and meet with the doctor and his team kind of day. Always a full day no matter which it was, physically and emotionally draining. I can remember the first day we drove up the drive of the U of M Melanoma Clinic, that sense of thinking that this can’t be MY life.

Once through the doors, the waiting game begins. Check-in and wait, get vitals and wait, get to your next waiting area. This will be the last place that your support person can go. Now begins the walk down the hallway to get to the prep area. The whole time there is this other game that goes on. We all look at each other thinking, ” How far along are they? Where did their’s show up? Is their treatment plan the same? STOP STARING AT ME! No one is staring anymore than you are.” You can always spot the newbie, we have the deer in the headlights look. Some other patient offers some very timely encouragement and you try to settle in, knowing that it will your day next time to help the newbie not fall apart. It’s oddly soothing.

Now its just me, my music, journal, and the techs. They are very thoughtful, as they know they are with people who are at some of the worst moments of their life. I have also lost count of how many tests I have had, they tend to blend together after a while. They all require and IV and some with contrast (tastes awful) that you have to drink in a very short impossible span of time. Now a pin cushion for life, yay…

Above are pictures from my amusing myself, or trying to keep myself calm before my first CT at U of M. I figured if I photographically chronicled it would be easier to remember events when people asked the inevitable questions, I could just show them. It helps when explaining what that day was all about. You get the idea by now, so for tonight I will spare you the other details. You will just have to wait, I think this where I will push pause on my story and prepare for tomorrow’s fun. As always, thank you for humoring this chick. Until next time.

Always,

Jody

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their STRENGTH; they shall mount up with WINGS AS EAGLES; they shall run, and NOT BE WEARY; and they shall walk AND NOT FAINT” – Isaiah 40:31